Naked Freefalls and Toys

This week was a tough one. Not only was I fighting a respiratory/sinus infection along with 25% of the State College population, I also felt like I was taking large strides backward in my work. They warned us in the beginning of the program about the “sixth week funk” and I guess I fell prey. I was getting discouraged early on in the week but by Friday I realized that I had probably learned more this week than any other week so far.
One of the things we talk about everyday in acting class is working off impulses on stage. Listening to your partner, being open and available to react, and taking everything personally is the formula for “Living Truthfully Under Imaginary Circumstances”. One of my Ah-hah! moments this week was realizing that what I thought were my impulses were actually nothing more than “ideas”. But impulse lies much deeper, beyond reason, beyond thought, and beyond any need to make sense or be interesting or understood or liked. It takes an enormous amount of trust and courage. It’s like jumping out of a plane not knowing how high you are or where you’re supposed to land, and realizing mid fall that not only did you forget your parachute but that you’re also completely naked. And then you land perfectly, or not, and discover that the reason you jumped in the first place was for the fall and not the landing. It’s terrifying, it’s revealing, it’s fast, and sometimes it’s cold.

I believe being an artist is a dangerously high calling.
Filled with responsibility and misunderstanding.

But an artist endures. As does his craft. Because they have to.
Just as impulse stirs beneath reason and ration, so does the need to create and find expression stir beneath consumption and recognition.
The danger, however, is taking yourself too seriously. I was reminded of this as I was putting some things away in my locker on Friday. First of all I’m a Graduate student with a locker. I haven’t had a locker since high school. Secondly I have no books in my locker. Instead I have mouthwash, a couple 3 feet long wooden sticks, rubber cement, twine, a model airplane, two tennis rackets, drawing supplies, a pair of crayola safety scissors, and a giant stuffed koala.
So, here’s to another week of naked freefalls and lockers filled with toys.